Life as Sooz

Back to the...
humdrum of work this week, complete with crazy boss who was chomping at the bit to get me into his office and fill me in on all the crap I missed but didn’t ‘miss’ if you know what I mean. He also had a nice long list of what he thinks my job should be as a Production Manager. I set him straight this morning when I refused his ‘Production Manager’ role [because it basically translates into being his personal sounding box] and reiterated that I’m a Graphic Designer who often [gladly] takes on more work than her job specifies. Bottom line? I’ve extracted myself a little from his one on one crap but now have to endure daily 10 minute morning team meetings with him and the rest of the production department. I’m thinking “Great, they can all suffer along with me, especially X-Office Roomie”. Afterall, why should I endure the pain all alone? I can share. No really. I can.

Met up with...
Mrs England for lunch today. I had the Mediterranean Focaccia, citrus tart and a latte. It turns out we both had contact with another woman on the site that hooked us up. Difference is this other woman [who is married] has been writing back and forth to her but has chosen to ignore me because I’m “single”. Like it’s a goddamn infliction or something! Hello we aren’t all man-chasing, husband stealing whores. I got over it rather quickly though. Thankfully not all married women think that way - Mrs England is proof of this. We are getting along rather superbly too and have plans to catch a movie after Christmas. I’m also hoping to meet up with Ms LongBlonde soon.

I’d totally forgotten...
how hot Jason Momoa is! I’ve finally started watching the last season of Stargate Atlantis and there he was again. Makes me wanna have primal, animalistic sex MUCHLY. How could I have forgotten you Jason? Unforgiveable! See you in my dreams.

Yesterday I had...
two coffees in one day! A•M•A•Z•I•N•G. In the past I have been known to have up to 8 cups per day. My body is fueled by the stuff. What I didn't realise is just what an impact it has on your body when you aren't used to. Last night I found out - I was on >>Fast Forward>> all night. I was in a chat room and on a meet/date site chatting to two different guys at once and all with my mp3 player thumping in my ear. By the time I tumbled into bed around 12:45 I was wide awake and pumping and couldn't go to sleep for ages.

It's amazing how...
in just a short time I've made so many possible connections simply because I've reached out and said 'hey, I need some friends here'. I'm sure there are many people out there like me whose circumstances change - divorce, moved interstate/country, friends have move on or hooked up with partners and are no longer so 'available' or even just self imposed solitude [like me]. One could actually build an extremely busy social life on just going out and meeting new people even if it never went further than that at all.

Here's a run...
down of the possibilities I've encountered in the past 24 hours all based on ads that say I'm strictly seeking friendship only. There are others that haven't made the list because they dont match my 'seeking criteria'.

Mr Bungalow: Last night I spent a few hours talking to Mr Bungalow. He's separated with two young kids. Lives in the same suburb. I'm not sure of the logistics of extending the friendship past the chat but I gave him my email anyway so who knows. We probably talked for too long and me on my caffeine high covered way too much info so there might not be too much left to discuss.

Ms LongBlonde: I sent a contact request to this woman. Lives within 5 mins, has 2 teenage children. Is seeking friendship same as me. Seems like a mellow, quiet type which would suite me. Today after logging in I noticed she had accepted my request and sent me a short message. I've given her my email with a view to hooking up for coffee or a drink down the pub to see if we have much in common.

Mr EazzyDeez: Contacted me via a classifieds site where I placed a new ad yesterday. 37 years old. Occupation: Chef. Doesn't live super close but within 45 mins travel. Has invited me to a Jeff Buckley exhibition. Awaiting more info.

Mr BikerBoy: Contacted me via the meet/date site but I was too busy to have a decent chat. Gave him my email and told him to contact me. Had looking for 'friendship only' on his profile but then confessed he'd never had a platonic female friend before but was definately out of the dating game for 'now' after two failed six year relationships.

Ms TooFar: I sent her a welcome message via a classifieds site as we were both intelligent, 43, divorced with one child and commented it was a pity we were so far away. She still wrote back and indicated she would be interested in at least getting together once to see how it went. Im thinking the distance makes it harder to maintain anything of substance as we dont know mutual places where we can meet.

My new faVouRite...
thing to do is take a bath with my mp3 player cranked up loud whilst singing "Don't pay the ferryman! Don't even fix a price! Don't pay the ferryman until he gets you to the other side" at the top of my lungs. Neighbours be damned! Of course one day I'll drop something in the water but until then its totally worth it.

I broke in...
my new pelvic floor toner last night. I'd like to say I behaved but I so totally didn't. Have a look at the thing. I mean REALLY! Its a cross between a dildo and a hair straightener. The idea is you insert and squeeze your pelvic floor muscles to make the pelvic toner open and close (it has a spring). Doing so is much better at strengthening your pelvic floor muscles as you are working against a resistance rather than just the squeeze and release motion. I'm not sure how much pelvic floor exercising is going to be actually getting done but I'll have fun trying! In any case it appears I've just paid $84 for a glorified dildo.

I've managed to...
just finish my first full cup of coffee in 5 days! Surprisingly I could have gone the other way and decided never to drink coffee again. Once the initial withdrawals were over I'd gotten quite used to not drinking the stuff and could have easily just kept not drinking it. Me! The self confessed coffee junkie! Now I've had one though, I'm already feeling the need for another. This SO reminds me of smoking. It would be nice if I could maintain the not drinking coffee the instant I stumble from my bed to the kitchen in my leopard print lycra singlet top and underpants in the morning.

Got my hair...
cut and coloured this morning. New woman! Was totally ready to yank the scissors from the top kitchen drawer and hack off random annoying bits.

Tried to eat...
maltesers last night after having half a gourmet eggplant and feta pizza followed by a strawberry yoghurt and a fizzy drink. Around bedtime it all went pear shaped when my bowels robustly protested at my over-enthusiastic food intake so soon after my recovery. Lets just say I had a little relapse. But all good today. I've the energy of a mad woman and am working it all off on those crappy chores you never want to do like defrosting the freezer and wiping the gunk off cupboard doors.

Sadly I no...
longer have use for the biohazard poo collecting kit complete with 2 sample collection bottles, instructions and 2 giant wooden spatulas that my Doctor gave me on Tuesday as I am now officially feeling better. I mean seriously, how does one merrily shove their face down the toilet to scoop out floating bits without needing to hurl? Mine were hardly bits now were they? AND why are there two containers? In case you're interested the paperwork suggests you drop an icecream bucket down the loo first to capture your sample. I mean REALLY. Who could ever eat chocolate ice cream without puking ever again? Now what to do with my unused biohazard poo kit? ebay?

I went to...
work today to the alarm of my co-workers. I assured them I was over it and wouldn't be spreading anything however if they felt the need to slather on the alcholic waterless hand gel I wouldn't be offended. Blissfully my boss was taking a personal leave day so he didn't even ring in! Fantabulous! My head would have exploded with him in my face all day long. As it was I struggled along with my sluggish caffeine deprived brain. I tried to top up my caffeine levels at brekkie, but making it the same strength I normally have it turned out to be almost fatal to my arteries. I tipped half of it down the sink and haven't had another yet.

Here's a perfect...
example of why my boss is a self absorbed idiot. We are meant to be going out for a Christmas breakup lunch. Usually we just toddle over the road to the bistro at the pub. Ms Judgemental spoke to my boss last week whilst I was away about when the best time to go would be. My boss told her he doesn't want to arrange anything until he sees what's happening between me and him because it might be uncomfortable. What he means is HE might feel uncomfortable if I'm still not the 'perfect' employee. Stuff the rest of the staff who have worked hard all year and deserve a happy breakup. Forget even trying to get everyone together socially so they can reconnect without work crap in the way. He conveniently forgets all the social times we have been uncomfortable with X-Office Roomie and just grinned and got on with it for the sake of others. Bottom line? He would rather all his staff miss out on their breakup so he doesn't feel uncomfortable. Hows THAT for leadership?

How's this for...
a freakish co-incidence. Yesterday arvo I looked up the number of the pet companion volunteer service with a view to signing up next year. In my mind I would be hooked up with an elderly person who needs their fluff ball walked two or three times a week. Easy peesy. Last night I decided to read the local paper late in the evening with one eye on the tv. What do I see? An advert looking for someone to walk the dog of a disabled person. I blinked and I blinked again. I checked the phone number. Exactly the same as the one I wrote down. The only part I'm not sure about is the dog is a German Shepherd. Well behaved apparently but I'm not sure I would be able to commit to the kind of walking that size dog needs. PLUS there is the whole poo collecting thing and we know how I feel about that [read paragraph 1!]. Anyhoo, I rang. The woman from that part of the volunteer organisation isn't in until Monday. Even if it turns out I'm not a match for this person's pet it looks like I'm putting my name down sooner than I thought!

I'm fairly certainly...
I resembled one of those Walmart shoppers I was laughing at yesterday when I cruised on down to the chemist today around lunchtime. The goddamn Teen-Monster has run off with the Advil and my lower back is giving me no end of grief since I've been lying/sitting around "pretending" to be sick. So there was little to do but hit the streets and in my current state I'm in no mood to be lookin' pretty. So I headed out with zero make-up, lank unkempt hair and pasty skin all dressed up in my trackies [sweatpants] and thongs [flip flops]. I'm sure my half-starved delirium translated perfectly as 'druggie'!

What the bejeezers...
does 'gainfully employed' mean? I see women who have this as a preference on their online dating profiles when looking for a man. Either he's employed or he isn't. I'm not sure what the gainfully part is for. I obviously need to look that up in the dictionary. Or you could save me the trouble. You know who you are smart people. And no. I haven't rejoined the dating scene but I did sign up to a pets site where you can meet other pet lovers. My goal is to make more friends. Male or female.

I'm starting to...
know what its like to live the life of an Ebay junkie. I sit on there all day long. Waiting. Watching. It's amazing to me that there are people all over the world doing this ALL DAY, EVERY DAY. Some I guess are addicted to it. Me? I'm cruising the site to snag some secondhand text books for Teen-M. Its simply exhausting!

I don't want...
to jinx it but I just might be on the mend. And about time too. I've managed to eat more today than I have the last few days put together and so far I'm yet to make a dash to the potty.

My being laid...
up and alone for all these days has made me realise what it must be like to be alone and not fully healthy or able to get around. My cat meows for her breakfast just as loud when I'm sick. My chickens and duck still pace impatiently waiting to be let out of their cages. Thus my thoughts turn to my bucket list item number 6. - Volunteer. I'm a great procrastinator on such things. It's always "One day I'll do it." and "When I have more time." There is a program I've often thought of putting my name down for and its called the Pet Companion Program. From what I understand you are matched with an elderly person who has pet/pets but may need some help now and then in keeping that pet - ie. dog walking, trips to the vet and so on. I've found the number on the net. I've even written it down. I'ts a priority for 2010!

YES, I'm still here - home sick. Tall about punishment. Since I have very little to be pleasant about right now I've decided to make a list. A list of things that make me cranky. Here goes [in no particular order].

1. The hair the congregates in the corner of the bathroom behind the door. I know you're there. Taunting me.

2. The rattle in my computer.

3. People who talk too loud on their mobiles. People who talk on their mobiles in public period.

4. The never ending cleaning/gardening/repairing that comes with having your own home.

5. The hairs that keep sprouting on my chin.

6. When I make a crap cup of coffee and drink it to the end rather than tip it out.

7. When I go to bed really tired and once there lie awake for hours.

8. When Teen-M leaves the garage door unsecured and it swings and creaks in the breeze.

9. When my boss says "can you come down to my office for a minute".

10. Being sick!

I haven't had...
coffee for days. Days I tell you! Do you KNOW what that's like? WELL? Do you? I fell like shit. I soooo want a coffee but Im not prepared to pay the price in the bathroom for it. I really, really, really want it and so I go and boil the kettle and then my stomach begins to sharply protest by throwing me a few sharp cramps. Maybe I should stick to sniffing the coffee. Maybe grinding some beans will give me my 'fix'.

Isn't it great...
how when you're stressing over absolutely minuscule shit, life sends you a nice big fat present so you get a taste of what suffering is really like. I probably deserved it. The Doctor didn't seem too hopeful that I'd be over it anytime time soon. He's given me tomorrow off work as well. On the bright side I got to slurp tomato soup after my doctor exclaimed "are you trying to starve yourself?" when I rattled off the pittance I'd eaten since Saturday. I'm really feeling for all those guys on Survivor. Surely beans and rice cant give you THAT much energy. Being home has also allowed me the pleasure of joining Dr Phil at midday and Oprah at 1pm. Her show was super fun today. I love it when she gives the audience stuff. I want stuff too! She had this guy on winner of the best job in the world. His job is to be Island Caretaker of Hamilton Island on the Great Barrier Reef for 6 months. I'm so totally putting Hamilton Island on my bucket list.

I found this...
on my wanderings today - People of Walmart. Im mildly horrified and a little ashamed to say I laughed and was repulsed at the same time. I'm thinking as a whole, we may just be a better dressed nation than the USA. I hope so. We do have our muffin tops and stuff but nothing near as eye damaging as some of that spotto. I did spot Ned Kelly amongst the WalMart shoppers so I'm chuffed about that!